Just as a side note, I’m not 100% sure as to whether I should be insulted by the title or not? I mean, in the modern day and age, should I pretend to be PC enough to start calling them “middle/upper class people problems”? Not quite same effect, right? Also, I’m not middle class. I’m working class af. (see what I did there? My lingo’s totally down with the kids. Hitting 30’s got nothing on me; I’m still the coolest!)
Anyway, I digress. What I came here to do was to tell a tale of pure hardship and total horror. Or like everyone else would like to say, minor inconvenience.
You know one of those days when nothing goes right, ever? From the moment you wake up, it’s just one f-up after another and by the time it hits 10 am, you’re ready to get back in bed and not get up until the day is done? Yesterday was one of those days for me. You see, I think I’m part werewolf. Not one of those “ooh-at-midnight-I-change-into-a-wolf-and-ravage-a-town” ones, just partially. Mainly in the way that weird lunar activity makes me go crazy. And by crazy I mean my beauty sleep is disrupted. And goddamnit, I need my beauty sleep! So, off I toddle into bed like a good girl at 9pm (there are children in this world who have later bedtimes than I do!) and fall fast asleep only to be woken up fully rested, bright as a button (but button’s aren’t bright?) ready to face the day. At 2 o’clock. In the morning. Four hours before I should be awake. Because of moon. Which I didn’t know at the time, but when the guys at work recapped their weekend, it all made sense. I wish I could’ve at least seen the cool moon so I could have something to brag about! But alas, it wasn’t meant to be. Instead of staring at this once-in-a-few-decades thing, I spent the next hour tossing and turning, reading the deepest darkest depths of t’internet to try to go to sleep. – white people problem #1
Fast-forward a few hours (because honestly, those couple of hours weren’t particularly interesting; I mainly spent the time snoring and drooling. Cos I’m hawt like that.) and THE most tired & grumpy Sus gets up and drags herself out of bed. Half an hour too late. Meaning I got to the gym half an hour late. Meaning I got a crappy workout in. Meaning no time to do my flexibility routine. Meaning dry shampoo had its work cut out today. – white people problem #2
I tried doing a few half-hearted pushups, but it just wasn’t working out so I gave up and got showered. And went to get dressed. Only to realise I left half of my outfit at home. I had underwear, trousers and a cardi. A lace cardi. One with no buttons. And I like ridiculous gym wear. Not a chance I could get away with wearing my gym stuff to work. Also, ew? So there I was, 10 minutes before I was supposed to be at work, standing in the gym locker room with a look of desperation in my eyes. Do I go back home to change (40 mins walk altogether – because goshdamnit I’m parked in a great spot and I’m NOT letting that spot go!) or do I walk to the nearest shop and buy the first thing that meets my grubby mitt? Yes, nearest shop it is. – white people problem #3
I come to work, all worked out, looking like the least attractive version of myself. Hair pointing a-way, very little makeup on (because triceps.) wearing shoes that no longer match my outfit. But hey, I’m there and I’m dressed! Off I go to get coffee and notice there’s the most amazing looking cheesecake & muffins in the canteen. One of the guys’ wives is a GREAT baker and had made these little treats for his birthday. Which he brought in to share. And I’m on a diet. – white people problem #4
It was 9 am and I was at the end of my tether. So I took a muffin and a slice of cheesecake, shoved my scrambled eggs in the fridge and shoveled some nice food in my mouth. Because problems.
Enough is enough. And to make matters worse? It was a local bank holiday. So whilst I was struggling through my oh-so-terrible morning, everybody else was still in their beds. Dicks.