Of routine - Ordinality

It’s been quiet around here. Too quiet. Not only have I been on holiday and didn’t have anything scheduled, I also haven’t been able to get back into the swing of things. In general.

I’m struggling with getting a grasp on reality, on catching up on life.

Days off, on my part and on others’, have messed with my head. I find it difficult to get up in the mornings and even worse to go to sleep at night. But what’s far worse than the physical (as you can retrain your body to do pretty much anything on a regular basis) is the complete mental confusion. At work, I pick things up, get started on it only to put it down five minutes later. I’m finding it increasingly more difficult to complete anything. I’m like Internet Explorer trying to open javascript; constantly spinning but never achieving anything. And I can see myself doing it, feel myself doing it yet I can’t stop. I can’t just take a breath and chill. It’s like there’s some kind of a switch in my head that’s been left in the ‘on’ position and it is constantly pressuring me to start things. “Start doing this, start doing that, start another thing but dear god if you try to finish that one thing, I will punish you so hard!”

It’s the same with this blog. I have saved draft after draft, filling OneNote with ideas, bloggable pictures and just general life, but I haven’t actually pressed post with anything.

In fact, as I’m typing this, I can see my open drafts and my brain is just pushing me to go and select the social media program I want, check what my Twitter message is, what that other window is… And I’m really struggling with it.

If only humans had a ‘reset’ button. It’s all a matter of getting that routine down again, getting my brain ready to prioritise, to get going.