You know one of those days when nothing seems to feel right. You know, one of those where things are just chugging along smoothly, nothing has gone wrong and nothing out of the ordinary has happened, but you just can’t shake this feeling of pure discomfort?
Yeah, one of those for me! Yesterday was my first day back to work after a long weekend, and whereas I do know that I achieved a fair bit, I just feel totally and utterly unproductive in general.
I’ve walked to work (unusual), yet I feel like I’ve hardly moved a muscle.
I have no stress anymore; exam=DONE, board reports=DONE, house=CLEAN, yet I can feel the tension building in my shoulders and my eye twitching; early warning signs of the Headache from Hell.
I turned my music on, played the flavours of the week, and… nothing. It’s just like the bass drop that last week immediately made me smile, now just sounds lame as anything.
The best way I can describe today is “numb”. Today is a “numb” day. And it’s kinda nice. Because in general I’m just this messed up ball of emotion.
I’m scared of everything. (bugs and dark being the worst offenders. Yes, at 30 years old, monsters still get me. Every time.)
And more than that, I am angry at everything. Losing weight should be easy really, seen as I generally run on caffeine and anger alone.
Add to that the fact that I’m paranoid as heck, it creates an interesting hobby of imagining totally absurd and non-existent situations where people are complete ducks and I hatch elaborate plans to “get them back”. I mean, selling their first born child because they told you you couldn’t pull off sheepskin is totally an okay thing to do, right? (jokes! I do jokes now. I’d never wear sheepskin.)
The brief moments during my working day that aren’t filled with staring at spreadsheets and weeping in desperation are filled with plots and looking up if you can actually build a human-sized slingshot. (you totally can. And I know just where to get the straps…)
Thing is though, I totally do not mind hating things. In fact, I’d go as far as saying that I enjoy the pure hatred I feel towards things. In a very sick way, I like getting aggravated and there’s nothing that excites me more than a good rant; whether it’s justified or not makes absolutely no difference to me.
So feeling numb is good. Because it annoys me. I have never been happier. (seriously)